So I just finished watching an excellent documentary entitled American Hardcore about the hardcore scene in the US during the early 1980's. It was excellent until the last 5 mins, when you have several of these bitter old fucks who complain about the state of punk rock today. "Those kids in their tour buses on MTV... that ain't punk" Now, my question to them is, "Who the fuck cares what you consider to be authentic or not?" Heaven forbid that anyone be successful at their musical endeavor. I mean there are a lot of acts that will term themselves punks that are nowhere near close to that (hello Avril, yes I am talking about you and your husband's band too) But really, who cares? Listen to what you like, what you enjoy, and stop giving a crap about the label that you want to place on it. Me, I don't like Avril, I don't like A Simple Plan, and I really don;t like Good Charlotte, but it doesn't matter. I am never going to go to their concerts, I am never going to buy their albums, so they can call themselves whatever the fuck they want to. I like music... a lot of different styles and genres. I like punk, hardcore, new wave, emo, pop, classical, classic rock, metal, grunge, jazz, doowop, swing, musical theatre, and hell, even a little country. When I don't like it, I don't buy it, or download it, or listen to it on the radio. I generally become ambivalent about it (with the exception of those that are just pure evil, like Mariah or Paris, or Celine... and then I have to at least acknowledge the fact that they were spawned from the mouth of Hell).
Music is forever evolving. I know people who swear up and down saying that Iron Butterfly were the first punk band... yes Iron Butterfly... Some might say the Doors were actually the originators... others will point to the Sex Pistols, or the Clash, or the Ramones. It doesn't really matter. The music changes and grows and adapts over time, and thank fuck it does, or we would all still be listening to the banging of rocks. Is punk dead? Some will say it died with Sid Vicious. Others will say that when Black Flag ended their career it was over. These folks in the documentary think it ended when they stopped playing, not all of the mind you, but the folks from the Cro-Mags seem to think so... because they were "authentic" hardcore... which was a derivative of punk rock, which is a derivative of metal, which is a derivative of acid rock, which is a derivative of RocknRoll, which is a derivative of blues and jazz and so on and so on. Who is to say that something they do is any more "authentic" than anything anyone else does? If you make it, if you write it and perform it, then it is authentic, at least to you. Is it necessary to be authentic to some concept of a scene, or style, or genre? I don't think so. And just to throw a kink into the works for these folks who believe it is over and dead, Joey Shithead from DOA has continued to make punk and hardcore albums, and DOA are releasing a new album this summer. So it can't really be dead, if one of the "originators" of the whole genre is still out there performing, can it? I saw DOA a few weeks ago, and yes, they look old and haggard, and yes, Rock N Roll has not exactly been kind to them, but they are still cranking it out for whole new generations of fans.
What about the politics behind the music? Did that all end with Reagan and Thatcher leaving office? I don't fucking think so. Bush is as bad for, or worse for the planet as Reagan ever had been. The statements that have been made musically against Reagan, Thatcher, Mulrooney, etc are certainly being echoed today against Bush, Blair/Downey, and Harper. The straight-edge scene still thrives (though I find that one a little creepy sometimes). The music has evolved into a million different forms, and now people don't have to mail-order all their shit. Now they can communicate it through the web, or even achieve radio-play. This is a good thing, not a bad one. The whole concept of "you didn't suffer as much as me, therefore the music you play is shite" is a pretty frigging ridiculous one. Does it really matter if punk is alive or dead? Can't it just be that there is good and bad music of every genre and that some people get lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time and get to actually eat and pay bills off of their talents? Do these bitter fucks only listen to music from 25 years ago? Have they not been able to listen to and explore some of the incredible ways in which music has evolved, or devolved, or whatever you want to call it?
I admit I have a penchant for the early punk stuff, I still love the early American hardcore, the early British punk and the great Canadian bands that made the circuit. This is the music of my youth after all, so I have a great tenderness for it, in the same way that the 80's nostalgia is big for so many people. I turned from prepubescent to an adolescent listening to this stuff, of course it resonates with me. It is a part of who I am, a part of where I came from, and a major part of the process of my very first self-aware identity creation. The music is the backdrop of my formative years. Do I think punk is dead? not really, no. There are great bands like Rise Against, Hifi Handgrenades and so on who are not mainstream but who are cranking out excellent albums. There are bands like the Foo Fighters and Green Day who are mainstream and who are making excellent music, music that I would still call punk. There are bands like Bad Religion, DOA and Strung Out who are still making music, still producing albums that are most definitely punk. So if punk is dead, what are they? Cheap imitators of those that came before them? I don't think so. They are making their music, their version of punk, and does it really matter worth a flying fuck if it is or isn't "authentic?"
Friday, May 30, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
the trap of materiality
I am falling into the trap of materiality. I mean, I have always had a little of it, but I am always willing to give up my possessions, because, they are after all, just things. But lately I am obsessed with the want for a grown-up job, a grown-up life, a house, a car, a place to do wood-shoppy kind of things. The real estate thing is the biggest albatross of this want for material goods. I want a house that K and I can call our own. I want to be making payments into something that is our own, rather than continually paying off someone else's mortgage. It isn't that we couldn't afford to have a house, we could afford the upkeep, and the mortgage, and the insurance and everything else, it would work out to a little more than we are paying now. It is that we don't have a down-payment, and saving when you are busy paying off someone else's house is never an easy thing. Of course, saving when you are living two people off of one person's salary is not easy either. Combine that with the fact that we are both impulse shoppers, and that means that we are not anywhere near ready to be able to buy the house that we both so desperately want.
I had resigned myself to the fact that I might not ever actually own my own place. I had made myself comfortable with the idea of renting on a permanent basis as I never believed I would be able to afford a place of my own. I was completely ok with that possibility. And then something changed. I guess it is the starting of K and I building our lives together, and wanting to have that something that is owned by the both of us.
I still have my childhood lusts too. I want comic books and video games and a big screen TV and a stereo etc etc. But the reality is, I don't NEED any of these things. They are, after all, just things. I have lived without them before, and I no doubt will again. All I need is some source of income (which is remaining a challenging endeavor), a roof over my head, the love of my family, my wife and my friends, and groceries. Everything else above and beyond that is a bonus and I should be content with these truly wonderous gifts that I do already possessed. And yet I am restless. I am getting caught up in the Joneses race. Most of my friends are in their own properties, both my younger siblings have their own houses. So I taunt myself by looking at real estate listings, looking at the sale fliers for the HD TV's, and drooling over sound systems that I am nowhere close to being able to afford. And I beat myself up because I do not have a job, and in not having a job, I am preventing Krista from having the things that she wants as well. Not that she would ever phrase it that way, or even express that sort of thought. But I know that she, like me, wants to make that start at something to call our own.
I want to be middle class. I want the typically American dream of a house with a picket fence, a garage and a deck. I want to be able to donate money to charities, and buy toys for my nephew, for Krista, and yes, for me. I want to be able to travel, without it being a hugely worrying deal. I want to be debt free, or least have my debts rolled into the house instead of into the education that I have already received and my credit cards. I covet what my neighbours have, and I don't believe that this is really a sin. The only sin would lie in not recognizing the blessings that I already have... I have to relearn that stuff is just stuff, and that patience will be my friend
I had resigned myself to the fact that I might not ever actually own my own place. I had made myself comfortable with the idea of renting on a permanent basis as I never believed I would be able to afford a place of my own. I was completely ok with that possibility. And then something changed. I guess it is the starting of K and I building our lives together, and wanting to have that something that is owned by the both of us.
I still have my childhood lusts too. I want comic books and video games and a big screen TV and a stereo etc etc. But the reality is, I don't NEED any of these things. They are, after all, just things. I have lived without them before, and I no doubt will again. All I need is some source of income (which is remaining a challenging endeavor), a roof over my head, the love of my family, my wife and my friends, and groceries. Everything else above and beyond that is a bonus and I should be content with these truly wonderous gifts that I do already possessed. And yet I am restless. I am getting caught up in the Joneses race. Most of my friends are in their own properties, both my younger siblings have their own houses. So I taunt myself by looking at real estate listings, looking at the sale fliers for the HD TV's, and drooling over sound systems that I am nowhere close to being able to afford. And I beat myself up because I do not have a job, and in not having a job, I am preventing Krista from having the things that she wants as well. Not that she would ever phrase it that way, or even express that sort of thought. But I know that she, like me, wants to make that start at something to call our own.
I want to be middle class. I want the typically American dream of a house with a picket fence, a garage and a deck. I want to be able to donate money to charities, and buy toys for my nephew, for Krista, and yes, for me. I want to be able to travel, without it being a hugely worrying deal. I want to be debt free, or least have my debts rolled into the house instead of into the education that I have already received and my credit cards. I covet what my neighbours have, and I don't believe that this is really a sin. The only sin would lie in not recognizing the blessings that I already have... I have to relearn that stuff is just stuff, and that patience will be my friend
Sunday, May 18, 2008
character building
I am just going to say this once.... I don't need any more life lessons, and if you think that when we ask for help, you can tell us that you are not going and it is for our own good, you can go fuck yourself... sideways.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Mysterious life
Life is a never-ending series of plot devices, coincidences, joy and pain. There is no guarantee, no warranty, no rebate and seldom, if ever, very few second chances. I have been blessed with a plethora of second chances, I have also been cursed by the need for second chances. I am approaching a situation for which there will not be any second chance. Recently my parents visited here in the big O. They have become very frail, more so than I have ever seen them. They have also seemingly started a process of Leaving Las Vegas. For my Dad, it may already be too late. For my Mom, there could still be a chance to break the pattern, but I am not so sure she has the will to fight it. They both have not just aged, but have become old. Dad, I think has largely given up. He has stopped wearing his hearing aids, so he rarely is able to fully partake in a conversation. His teeth hurt him, so he often does not bother to wear them. He has given up on physical activity almost completely, and seems content to do his running around in the morning and crack a bottle by noon. For my Mom, she is good when she is tasked with responsibility but as soon as that responsibility is alleviated, she too starts to drink. Recently, she has come under a great deal of physical pain, and it, in turn, has left her feeling far older than she actually is.
I am not sure how one stages an intervention on their own parents. They both have earned the right to live however they see fit, they are grown adults and then know what they are doing, or at least I think they know what they are doing. They, like me, have always been part-time alcoholics, but it never interfered with their ability to do anything. Boozing did not begin until the chance of all responsibility for the day was done. These days, that chance of responsibility ends earlier and earlier for them, so their immediate reaction is to start on the one thing that seems to give them comfort from their physical ailments. The problem with this is that they do not then end their days any earlier. They stay up until the same time, and they continue the process, which means the time of every day spent under the influence continues to grow.
The biggest hope is that my brother and his wife are going to lay down the law about the amount of contact they can have with the grandchild while they are under the influence. It may be enough to snap them out of the funk they have slid into. It has been a rough road for them since the house fell apart on them in Sin City. All of their retirement hopes and plans were tied to the sale of that house. When the oil tank ripped open underground, they saw the value of that house plummet by over fifty-thousand dollars, their nest egg was reduced to nothing, and their plans and dreams were put on indefinite hold. From that point they have been on a gradual but steady downward spiral, and I am not sure if the ship can be righted. I am extremely worried for them, but I don't know how to try to sort it out. I am hoping the geographic shift of them moving up here in October will help correct the issue, though geographics seldom actually work. In this case, however, to be close to two of their three children, and to be close to the grandchildren on a regular basis might just be enough of a trigger to get them to snap back into a modicum of sobriety.
As all of this is happening, K and I have started looking for our own house. We have gone to a viewing or two and a couple of open houses and have found a place that we are really quite happy with, and hope to be dealing with some of the logistics in this next week or so. A few more site visits, a few bits of legal wrangling and some financial MacGyvering, and we should be able to make it happen. This is a strong surge of hope for me, I am really looking forward to that kind of settling down, knowing that I am making an investment into our own future, and not paying the mortgage for someone else. I still don't have a full time gig, but that is in the works and I am hopeful, although trying not to be too hopeful, for a job with the feds in their CS departments. I have made it into the hiring pool, and have been invited to the job fair in June. I think I stand a reasonable chance at a hire... but if not, I can continue to ride out the academic gig.
A close relative of K's died the other day, just shy of her 98th birthday. I don't think there is much of a chance that my folks will make it that far, though I really hope I am wrong. Another good friend of mine lost her mother this week, and I hurt inside for her and I hope she is OK. I am trying to balance my want for a real job with the love for academia that I am finding still runs in my veins and I hope I will be able to make both of those fields work to my benefit. I do not like to start and not finish something, so if only for personal edification, I would like to finish the PhD, but I have no idea how probable that is if I start work in the real world again. I just finished two weeks of telephone tech training for Elections Canada and in some aspects I am over-qualified for it, though I did learn a lot about our electorial process, and it is really fascinating to see how it all unfolds. I would love to work for EC in some aspect, though not necessarily doing telephone tech support. Call centre work, no matter where or for whom, is a soul-sucking venture. It is always shift-work, so your days off rotate, your shifts do just that, shift about the time schedule, and your work always seems to be menial. I really don't want to have to do that sort of work again, even for internal clients. But if it comes up, I HAVE to take it. I have to get my foot into the door on a semi-permanent basis.
At the same time, I love the way my brain operates in grad school, though admittedly, it took a longer time to get it into the program this term, but I did manage it, and managed to pull off an A+ in each of the courses I did this term. It proves that I have some modicum of talent for this world. I have an interesting thesis, and I think I should be able to get funding next year, but it means another year of making only 11K, and I have been poor for so very very long. At least K makes good money, but I really need to be kicking in my fair share. I want to be able to take her places, buy her nice things, build a nice home together, and living on a salary less than what I made in theatre is making that all a little difficult. I have been in school now for nine years. there are at least three more to go if I continue to follow this path. Without extra external funding, I remain flat broke. K keeps a roof over my head, and keeps me well fed, so I am a leg up on many of my compatriots. But I am not able to contribute in the way I really should be contributing.
I need a night of hanging with Pat, and convincing him to ride the Tequila clock with me. And a night with the boys, playing cards, or a game or some such. Good thing I will be back on the rock for a little while - just two months from now! I also am jonzing seriously for some new ink, and I am really looking forward to getting into Troublebound and having Dave scar me some more! come on July!
I am not sure how one stages an intervention on their own parents. They both have earned the right to live however they see fit, they are grown adults and then know what they are doing, or at least I think they know what they are doing. They, like me, have always been part-time alcoholics, but it never interfered with their ability to do anything. Boozing did not begin until the chance of all responsibility for the day was done. These days, that chance of responsibility ends earlier and earlier for them, so their immediate reaction is to start on the one thing that seems to give them comfort from their physical ailments. The problem with this is that they do not then end their days any earlier. They stay up until the same time, and they continue the process, which means the time of every day spent under the influence continues to grow.
The biggest hope is that my brother and his wife are going to lay down the law about the amount of contact they can have with the grandchild while they are under the influence. It may be enough to snap them out of the funk they have slid into. It has been a rough road for them since the house fell apart on them in Sin City. All of their retirement hopes and plans were tied to the sale of that house. When the oil tank ripped open underground, they saw the value of that house plummet by over fifty-thousand dollars, their nest egg was reduced to nothing, and their plans and dreams were put on indefinite hold. From that point they have been on a gradual but steady downward spiral, and I am not sure if the ship can be righted. I am extremely worried for them, but I don't know how to try to sort it out. I am hoping the geographic shift of them moving up here in October will help correct the issue, though geographics seldom actually work. In this case, however, to be close to two of their three children, and to be close to the grandchildren on a regular basis might just be enough of a trigger to get them to snap back into a modicum of sobriety.
As all of this is happening, K and I have started looking for our own house. We have gone to a viewing or two and a couple of open houses and have found a place that we are really quite happy with, and hope to be dealing with some of the logistics in this next week or so. A few more site visits, a few bits of legal wrangling and some financial MacGyvering, and we should be able to make it happen. This is a strong surge of hope for me, I am really looking forward to that kind of settling down, knowing that I am making an investment into our own future, and not paying the mortgage for someone else. I still don't have a full time gig, but that is in the works and I am hopeful, although trying not to be too hopeful, for a job with the feds in their CS departments. I have made it into the hiring pool, and have been invited to the job fair in June. I think I stand a reasonable chance at a hire... but if not, I can continue to ride out the academic gig.
A close relative of K's died the other day, just shy of her 98th birthday. I don't think there is much of a chance that my folks will make it that far, though I really hope I am wrong. Another good friend of mine lost her mother this week, and I hurt inside for her and I hope she is OK. I am trying to balance my want for a real job with the love for academia that I am finding still runs in my veins and I hope I will be able to make both of those fields work to my benefit. I do not like to start and not finish something, so if only for personal edification, I would like to finish the PhD, but I have no idea how probable that is if I start work in the real world again. I just finished two weeks of telephone tech training for Elections Canada and in some aspects I am over-qualified for it, though I did learn a lot about our electorial process, and it is really fascinating to see how it all unfolds. I would love to work for EC in some aspect, though not necessarily doing telephone tech support. Call centre work, no matter where or for whom, is a soul-sucking venture. It is always shift-work, so your days off rotate, your shifts do just that, shift about the time schedule, and your work always seems to be menial. I really don't want to have to do that sort of work again, even for internal clients. But if it comes up, I HAVE to take it. I have to get my foot into the door on a semi-permanent basis.
At the same time, I love the way my brain operates in grad school, though admittedly, it took a longer time to get it into the program this term, but I did manage it, and managed to pull off an A+ in each of the courses I did this term. It proves that I have some modicum of talent for this world. I have an interesting thesis, and I think I should be able to get funding next year, but it means another year of making only 11K, and I have been poor for so very very long. At least K makes good money, but I really need to be kicking in my fair share. I want to be able to take her places, buy her nice things, build a nice home together, and living on a salary less than what I made in theatre is making that all a little difficult. I have been in school now for nine years. there are at least three more to go if I continue to follow this path. Without extra external funding, I remain flat broke. K keeps a roof over my head, and keeps me well fed, so I am a leg up on many of my compatriots. But I am not able to contribute in the way I really should be contributing.
I need a night of hanging with Pat, and convincing him to ride the Tequila clock with me. And a night with the boys, playing cards, or a game or some such. Good thing I will be back on the rock for a little while - just two months from now! I also am jonzing seriously for some new ink, and I am really looking forward to getting into Troublebound and having Dave scar me some more! come on July!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Assundy tales of Ottawa living
It is amazing how quickly a buzz word becomes mainstream here in the big O. Last Week Dalton McGuinty said that Ontario was on the verge of becoming a "have-not" province, and wants the federal government to re-examine the way transfer payments are working. He accuses the rest of the country, with particular reference to the Federal government, of taking advantage of Ontario in a time that Ontario cannot afford to support itself. He says that the Province pays into the transfer payments far more than it can afford to do, and wants it to be renegotiated.
First of all, no province pays into transfer payments. Transfer payments are a pool of federal money that is assigned based on tax generated income. This tax generated income comes from all tax-paying people in Canada. It just so happens that the larger population base happens to fall into Ontario, so more taxes come from the people here than elsewhere - this does not mean, however, that individual Ontarians pay more than any other individual tax-paying Canadians. Yet this is how he presents it. Secondly, Ontario is not anywhere near a "have-not" province. As long as the federal seat of government resides within its borders, Ontario will not be a "have-not" province. It is true that the manufacturing sector of the province has been hard hit, and yes, workers will leave the province to find other employment, but we are not talking about the kind of out-migration that Newfoundland had previously experienced before its recent oil boom. Anyone who has lived in a "have-not" province in a "have-not" time will quickly tell you that Ontario is nowhere near that kind of poverty, and will never actually achieve it unless we are suddenly thrust into a global depression the likes of which we have not seen in almost 80 years. yes, the car plant closures are of major significance to sectors of the Ontarian economy. Yes, there will be 5000 more workers out there looking for employment, and yes many of those may trundle off to Fort MacMurray or Calgary or something of the like, but Ontario will continue to employ, hire, and essentially prosper in the face of this action.
The media has taken up this phrase, as have every union in the province, this threat of becoming a "have-not" province. It is all over the news, and it is a pure scare tactic being used to throw barbs at the federal government. Not that I am against such a thing, barbs should be directed at the Harper government as often as is possible, but to make such blatantly false claims should not go without some sort of commentary, and hence, here I am writing. I graduated high school in 1987 in St. John's Newfoundland when the unemployment rate was 26%. I followed many of my brothers and sisters to the big bad city in Ontario, though I did not last at that attempt. I do not believe that Ontario is heading for a 26% unemployment rate, even if the entire manufacturing sector crumbles. Those who have not lived under the "have-not" situation cannot begin to understand what it means to have lived under it, certainly not the premier of Ontario. The entire economy of Ontario is not tied to the manufacturing sector as Newfoundland's was tied to natural resources. There are many other avenues that will step up to contribute to the economy here. The population base continues to grow, not subside. There is nothing really "have-not" about Ontario except its lack of sea air.
First of all, no province pays into transfer payments. Transfer payments are a pool of federal money that is assigned based on tax generated income. This tax generated income comes from all tax-paying people in Canada. It just so happens that the larger population base happens to fall into Ontario, so more taxes come from the people here than elsewhere - this does not mean, however, that individual Ontarians pay more than any other individual tax-paying Canadians. Yet this is how he presents it. Secondly, Ontario is not anywhere near a "have-not" province. As long as the federal seat of government resides within its borders, Ontario will not be a "have-not" province. It is true that the manufacturing sector of the province has been hard hit, and yes, workers will leave the province to find other employment, but we are not talking about the kind of out-migration that Newfoundland had previously experienced before its recent oil boom. Anyone who has lived in a "have-not" province in a "have-not" time will quickly tell you that Ontario is nowhere near that kind of poverty, and will never actually achieve it unless we are suddenly thrust into a global depression the likes of which we have not seen in almost 80 years. yes, the car plant closures are of major significance to sectors of the Ontarian economy. Yes, there will be 5000 more workers out there looking for employment, and yes many of those may trundle off to Fort MacMurray or Calgary or something of the like, but Ontario will continue to employ, hire, and essentially prosper in the face of this action.
The media has taken up this phrase, as have every union in the province, this threat of becoming a "have-not" province. It is all over the news, and it is a pure scare tactic being used to throw barbs at the federal government. Not that I am against such a thing, barbs should be directed at the Harper government as often as is possible, but to make such blatantly false claims should not go without some sort of commentary, and hence, here I am writing. I graduated high school in 1987 in St. John's Newfoundland when the unemployment rate was 26%. I followed many of my brothers and sisters to the big bad city in Ontario, though I did not last at that attempt. I do not believe that Ontario is heading for a 26% unemployment rate, even if the entire manufacturing sector crumbles. Those who have not lived under the "have-not" situation cannot begin to understand what it means to have lived under it, certainly not the premier of Ontario. The entire economy of Ontario is not tied to the manufacturing sector as Newfoundland's was tied to natural resources. There are many other avenues that will step up to contribute to the economy here. The population base continues to grow, not subside. There is nothing really "have-not" about Ontario except its lack of sea air.
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