Decision made

So I reviewed the program at Carleton. To maintain a full time status, I would need to be enrolled in three course a semester. In addition, because I have no economics background, I would have to do the entry level economics courses, one in the fall and one in the winter. So that makes four courses a week. Then there is the TA work, so a class there, with grading, and probable tutorials to run, etc. AND they are not offering me complete funding, I would have to pay tuition. All of a sudden the PhD at U of O is not sounding so bad at all. One seminar, one reading course in the fall, and then I only have reading courses left until I do my comps. I think I can safely say I have made my choice. I have even started to sort of get excited about the career path, though I am still busily applying to government jobs in hopes of landing something that will actually pay me some moneys...
I have entered some essay contests, I have submitted an article to an academic journal, albeit it outside of my current area of study, but hell, why not? And I am starting to research funding options for the summer. All I have to do is make it through this semester, and it is almost done, though it has felt like forever... probably due to the lingering winter conditions. There are only two weeks left really... one paper due then, one due two weeks after that... and then comes a mountain of grading... I can make it... I think I can I think I can I think I can....

confusions and dilemmas

So here's the deal. I have been accepted at another university with almost full funding for a MPA - Masters in Public Administration. I am also in the middle of a fully funded PhD, which may not turn out to be as useful as the MPA. I think I can manage to do both of the programs, depending on how the classes line up. For the PhD, I only have one more seminar course to do and the rest can be directed reading courses. The MPA would involve an unknown quantity of courses over the two year program. 8.5 credits, whatever that works out to be... If I am able I could do my theory and methods course for the PhD this fall, along with the courses for the MPA, and then I would only have the directed reading courses to do, which involve, as you might have guessed, a whole bunch of readings and a paper based on those readings. It would mean what I forsee as a crazy busy but manageable couple of years. I don't know that technically I am allowed to be full time in both programs at the same time, but what they don't know can't hurt them right?

In the middle of all this I am still trying to get a job with the feds, which would make the MPA unnecessary. Tomorrow morning I go in for second language testing which should be a little humourous if nothing else... Saturday I write an exam for an administrative support position. Monday I interview for the computer secondary recruitment and a network support adviser for Elections Canada. I have an impending interview with Heritage and Culture, and I am still waiting to hear on the HRSDC, after what I felt was a series of good interviews.

My health is still not great, I have been on the cane since the chest pain began, and while the daily monstrous dose of aspirin is keeping the pain to a manageable level I do not actually seem to be getting any better... and it has been 3 1/2 months now. If it is pericarditis, there is only half a month left before I am exceeding the normal time periods for the disease. I am tired of being sick.

My wallet turned up, by the way, some very nice person turned it in to the Transpo, and nothing was missing. However, I had already canceled my credit and bank cards to be on the safe side, so I am awaiting the last of the credit cards now.

Patrick was here for an amazing visit. I miss him terribly already, and it has made me miss LA, JJ David, Rod and Jan etc. a great deal. it is a good thing I am traveling back to the rock for a couple of weeks in July - we should actually have the tickets bought in the next week or so.

Now I just have to find some sort of employment for the summer months as there is no TA money for that time... somewhere that will let me take two weeks off at the height of summer!

feeling lost and inadequate

Today, I lost my wallet. In it was my driver's license, my health card, my SIN, my credit cards, my bank card, two photo-copy cards and a check from the insurance company for medical reimbursement. I have already canceled my credit cards, and have sent a message on the bank card. Tomorrow morning I start the process of getting new identifications. This is not so easy, replacement cards for anything require that you have ID, except all my ID, with the exception of my bus pass, is gone. I am hoping that my student card will be the easiest to replace, and then I will have my student card and my bus pass to use in the process of getting other ID's.

I am cut off from my money and my credit for at least a week, and two weeks in some cases. Anything that is set up to use my bank card, my credit cards etc has to be set up. It is going to cost about 100 bucks at a minimum to replace the lost IDs, I have to let the department know I have lost a photocopy card that belongs to them.

I feel dumb. I feel like a non-entity. I feel angry at myself for being irresponsible and losing the wallet in the first place. I feel weary at the process that is yet to come. I do not feel like a responsible adult, which I am supposed to be, by this point in my life.